Safety and kindness are among the Core Values of Intentional Encounters Community. Intentional Encounters strives to create an
environment that is managed by both the leadership and the members so that everyone can be themselves, speak freely and feel safe. Members are expected to honor and respect personal boundaries and to uphold this Code of Conduct.
Confidentiality
Feel free to share your own stories, but protect others’ confidentiality. You may be comfortable with sex positivity, but some of us have jobs and family or other situations where it’s not as safe to talk about these things.
Avoid greeting someone in public that you met at an event to talk about the event or the group. Especially avoid talking about things that happened at an event in public.
Communication
Ask permission before contacting someone.
Practice loving communication to one another, especially with members who are different from you. Strive to maintain an environment that is safe for all people; all cultures, races, sexual orientations, genders, creeds, abilities, sizes, and neurologies.
When you have a disagreement or misunderstanding, talk to the person directly. Speak kindly and from your own experience, listen
with curiosity. Give space without pressure, as someone may not want to talk about something, even if you do. Try to find
out how people want to be treated or addressed, now and in the future.
If a disagreement or misunderstanding isn’t getting resolved, we have a community resource team who have volunteered to help mediate. Please contact them if you need help.
Avoid forming or changing your opinion of someone based on what other people may say about them, talk to them yourself. Let’s not be a group that listens to, or spreads, gossip in the first place.
Learn from your mistakes, we all make them. Take those learning experiences as a gift, check your privilege, listen, recognize that it cost someone something to tell you your mistakes. Your future self will thank you. The rest of us will, too.
Take responsibility for your own words and actions. “I’m sorry,” goes a long way toward building and protecting community.
These guidelines apply no matter what the mode of communication; social media, website, text, phone or in person. Try to move to the lowest-tech, most connected means available.
Safety
When attending events we will only come, in person, when we are free from symptoms of COVID or other transmissible diseases,
including STI’s, that might reasonably be transmitted at this event. We will adhere to the current COVID policy at the time,
and let the host know if you test positive within 5 days after the event.
We will take care of personal hygiene and avoid fragrances of any kind. Some of us are sensitive to these and won’t have a good time in their presence.
You are expected to know your STI status (test frequently) and be willing to communicate that status prior to intimate interactions.
Arrive at events unimpaired and stay that way throughout the event even if you are using substances. It’s impossible to give consent when you’re impaired by drugs or alcohol etc.
Consent, for anything, is absolutely expected! Even with people you may have “perma-consent” with, at lower-level events, consider being a good example to newer members and ask first, and wait for an answer. Get consent first, at our events, before any kind of touch, friendly or sexual or anything in between.
For any higher level events, you will be expected to have had classes on consent and on how to communicate about sex, so use those skills prior to engaging in any sensual or sexual activity.
You will be expected to communicate your own boundaries and respect the boundaries of those around you, regardless of the level of the event.
We will all play within the level of the event.
If you see or experience non-consensual touch, we expect and support you to speak up. If you are able, talk to the person, if not, find an event facilitator, mentor, angel or a member of the community liaison group. Let them know as specifically as you are able to, who, what, when, where. If in doubt, ask. Sooner is better so that we are able, as a community, to have the best outcome.
If you see someone who looks “stuck” or “frozen” or other unhappy reaction and you don’t feel prepared to assist them, let a host, mentor or angel know right away. We need to take good care of each other.
These behaviors make our spaces safer for everyone. Safety and consent make people feel very sexy!